Almost 24

Almost 24:
Feel like I won’t make it to my 24th
I mean, who actually gives a shit
Everyone says they care, but show me they don’t
Just want to be somewhere where I can be me
Without being judged constantly,
Judged for my feelings, clothes and even for being a Scorpio
I can say a lot but I never rag on family
I thought it’s supposed to be a safe place
But it’s more like hell
I want to go far
But I don’t see myself making it past 24
If these are my last days,
I just want to say fuck my immediate family
For always making me feel alone
Then telling me they understand just so they can see me shut up
Do you really understand much?
Do you understand the feeling of being judged 24/7?
Most nights I hope I wake up in heaven
When I wake up to these walls, I get even sadder
Like do I even matter?
Do god not want his son?
Won’t be the first time thinking someone doesn’t want me
Feel so defeated
Just want to shed tears
But I know it won’t make a difference
I just want to disappear
Almost 24 and I’m not even in the spirit of putting on a fake smile and act like I love the people around me
Almost 24 and feel like I’m already dead

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