Weekly Thoughts #14

I’m going to try and find something positive to say by the end of this. I’m not feeling too well. I’m at a point where I just want to quit. You know. It’s like at what point in time do you get to say I’m tired of jumping through hoops for someone’s approval? I should have known this would come when I first started. I’m at a point of no return. I put my whole life on hold until I got the surgery. Now, I don’t even know if it’s going to happen. Then again if it doesn’t occur. I don’t really know will I even feel any sort of happiness.

 That’s the darkness I been feeling. Every hoop I jump through it seems like another one keeps appearing. Other than that, not really much. Of course my eating it’s back off the charts because of the recent let downs. Can it get any worse? I don’t even feel the drive I have been feeling the last few months when I’m in the gym or trying to eat right. That empty feeling is starting to open up inside my chest. I’m just not feeling my best this week.

 I created another poem for my poetic Gift Ep. I believe I was going to drop it on my birthday but I’m thinking of doing it on the 16th. I just want to enjoy my birthday instead of trying to advertise. Don’t really know how that release is going to be. I haven’t dropped a mixtape in a year and a half. Somewhat excited. Surprisingly I have been more focused on the next project after that. I’m about 8 songs into that one. Out of 20. It’s pretty long for now. Trying to pick and choose the right ones for the theme. It’s a working progress, just like me. Nobody’s perfect but I know a better version of me that I want to be. Not even want, I need to be. It’s just a process that I have to face.

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