Behind The Scenes: 400+

I have been thinking a lot lately about this weight thing as I always do. Like I have lost over 50 pounds without the surgery. And congratulations and all to myself but it’s not that impressive to me. As long as I still see this stomach it’s not enough. As long as I see these 6x pants it’s not enough.

 I know at some point I should stop and smell the roses but I have been big my entire life. I believe I didn’t reach the 400s until after high school 3 years ago. And it’s been a bumpy road. One week I’m down 3 the next week I’m up 5 it’s like a never-ending elevator. 

I think the only reason I’m talking about this is that this surgery thing hangs in over my head. Still parts of me believe I can lose it on my own but the realistic side doesn’t believe it. Thinking of all the sacrifices I had to make makes me wonder is it worth it.

 Even thinking of the outcome makes me think I’m crazy for even doubting. A piece of me wants this for clothing purposes. I know it’s a weird reason but it feels a whole lot better when you got options that cater to your style or ideal style. But when you obese you have to settle. Settle for any old thing with your size on it. You know I often hear the slogan, “when you look good, you feel good”. But I don’t feel like I look good in the outfits I settle for so my happiness doesn’t measure out. I’m not even happy to say I missed out on so many events because I’m not happy with my appearance. I can go down the list but I don’t want to really make this too long.

 Other than that is real health. More specifically DIABETES. I don’t have it but a lot of my family does, and it’s one of those things that I’m so close to having. I grew up my whole life watching family stick themselves with needles and lose body parts. It’s just something I know I can avoid with weight loss. In a way, their struggle motivates me to go harder every day. 

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